The Death of A Blogger

A blogger died and reached the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter...

St. Peter: Welcome to the Pearly Gates. The name is Peter, Saint Peter. (to himself) Great...another blogger...I am gonna need more coffee...

Blogger: Hey, this place is cool...nice gates...and I see you have a fog machine for the mythological touch...I could write a great post about this place...you wouldn't happen to have a camera, would you?...I like to include pictures along with my blog posts. (smiles annoyingly)

St. Peter(rolling his eyes): Why do I get all the screwballs on Monday?

Blogger: And hey, you've got a cool pc and everything...did you upgrade recently?...if not, you should really consider it...you know, Microsoft just released this great new operating system called...

St. Peter (frustrated, already): Would you just sit down and be quiet already? Now, the reason you are here is that we have to decide whether to send you to Heaven or to Hell... Tell me about yourself…

Blogger: About myself? The Gods in their wisdom did not grant me the gift of seeing myself as others see me. They must have thought knowing what others thought of me might endanger suicidal tendencies in me and decided to let me stew in my own self esteem. Now I am up against the formidable task of having to say about myself…

St. Peter: Whoa, whoa…! Tsnt this whole answer from Khhushvant Singh’s article “Seeing Oneself?” I have read his “Not a Nice Man to Know” too. Dont try to fool me. I am sending you to Hell.

Blogger: WHAT? No...there must be some mistake...I have led a good honest life...I did not commit any sins...

St. Peter: Well...it looks like you plagiarized one post too many without giving credit to the rightful bloggers...

Blogger (sheepishly): Uhhh...heh heh heh...ok, maybe I was "inspired" while writing a couple of posts...but I wrote a lot of genuine ones too...you know, thoughts for the day, movie reviews, poems, jokes...

St. Peter: Jokes, eh? Well, guess who's laughing now? (Breaks into guffaws of laughter)

Blogger: Uh, you are.

(Awkward silence)

St. Peter : You weren't supposed to answer that. It was a rhetorical question. I was just saying - That the "joke" is on you, buster. (Laughing hard while beating the desk with fists)

Blogger: Uh, what joke?

(Silence again)

St. Peter: You know what, Mr. Smartypants? I am too old and too rich to put up with this. Off you go... (presses a button... hidden trapdoor under Blogger's chair opens and Blogger falls with a rapidly fading yell)

(Blogger lands in front of Satan)

Satan: Ah, another one of you...it's surprising how many of you bloggers turn up here. Welcome to Hell. Let me be frank...I don't know what Peter Parker up there told you but the reason you were sent here is that you are a smartass. Oh and in case you haven't guessed already, I am Satan...

Blogger: I thought you said your name was Frank...

Satan: I am gonna pretend I didn't hear that. Now, if you follow me I'll show you the Blogger's Room.

Blogger follows, trying to stomp on Satan's tail. Satan leads him into a huge air-conditioned room with row after row of shiny new workstations.

Satan: In here, we have the latest computer technology ever conceived, entirely for use by you bloggers. You can sit in here for as much time as you want and create blog posts unrivalled to anything you might have composed before.

Blogger: Wow...this is unbelievable...just look at all the cool stuff in here...the templates, the formatting tools, the photo albums...oh I must be dreaming...or I must have died and gone to heav...Hey, wait a minute...I thought you said this place was Hell...so how come you give us bloggers the best possible tools and facilities for blogging?

Satan: Ah, you see, that's the best part... none of our systems have a "Submit Post" button...