When Americans lose their jobs, it is called recession. In India recession is caused by extremism. Extremism leads to terrorism. Terrorism leads to illegal immigration. Illegal immigration caused Kasab to come to India. Now India is in recession. Because of recession, people lose jobs. So because of Kasab, Home Minister Shiv Raj Patil lost his job, Vilasrao Deshmukh also lost his job. Many people hate Kasab, but P Chidambaram loves Kasab. Because of Kasab, he got promoted. At first, he was Finance, now he is doing Home. Pranab Mukherjee also got promoted, from External Affairs to Finance. Prime Minister got heartache, got bypass surgery. Now Kasab is in jail, and wants bail. Because of Kasab, the judge has to read 11,000 pages as his charge-sheet is that thick.
I am wondering by the time these 11,000 pages are read. Will Kasab be ober? Or judge himself? Or India herself?
Deep, huh?
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
God is online
(Previously titled: Bro of the almighty)
I was just checking emails when I saw this on my Google Talk. “God is online”. And I thought ‘shit! Here he comes’.
I was pissed at Him. As always. The Guy has attitude problem.
“Bling!” -Oh, I hate that sound.
God: “hey bro! Wazzup!?”
Me: “I am not your brother.”
God: “its jus n xpression, dude!”
God: “chill, yo!”
God: “so, wats up, mayn!”
Me: “hmm, that’s better.”
Me: “im mad at you, asshole!”
God: Wat hapned, yaar!?”
Me: “remember I confessed something last week?”
God: “LOLz, yah!”
Me: “don’t you ‘lolz’ me!”
Me: “somebody got to know about that. I thought it was our secret!!!”
(Saturday evening He is free. Sunday is church time, no ‘jalsa’ in heaven tomorrow!)
God: “wat cud I do? It mst hv slipped. I mst hv been bored or drunk.”
Me: “What the…?”
God: “ws takin 2 dis angel, dude. Ran short of topics n things 2 say. Caught hold of dis thing. Hope u dnt
mind…”
Me: “bloody Satan! You really suck!”
God: “’Satan’? I thought you were talking to me, hehe.”
God: “LOLz”
Me: “fuck you!”
God: “hehe, when?”
Me: “aaaaaarrrrgh! Bugger off!”
God: “you seem pissed”
Me: “you think?”
God: “anyhoo, ma ‘real’ brother Satan is makin sure u stay depressed al d time.”
God: “things are workin wel 4 him, arnt they?”
Me: “im happy, damnit!”
God: “aah! Can u hear d sounds of Lie Detectors screaming? U shud b on ‘Sach Ka Saamna’”
Me: “shut the fuck up!”
God: “face d truth!”
Me: “ya, tagline. very funny, and how do YOU know the truth?”
God: “im God!”
Me: “yah! Right!”
God: “somthin is wrong wit u”
God: “I wl hlp u wit it”
God: “im comin ovr”
Me: “No, no, noooo!
*God is offline*
I was just checking emails when I saw this on my Google Talk. “God is online”. And I thought ‘shit! Here he comes’.
I was pissed at Him. As always. The Guy has attitude problem.
“Bling!” -Oh, I hate that sound.
God: “hey bro! Wazzup!?”
Me: “I am not your brother.”
God: “its jus n xpression, dude!”
God: “chill, yo!”
God: “so, wats up, mayn!”
Me: “hmm, that’s better.”
Me: “im mad at you, asshole!”
God: Wat hapned, yaar!?”
Me: “remember I confessed something last week?”
God: “LOLz, yah!”
Me: “don’t you ‘lolz’ me!”
Me: “somebody got to know about that. I thought it was our secret!!!”
(Saturday evening He is free. Sunday is church time, no ‘jalsa’ in heaven tomorrow!)
God: “wat cud I do? It mst hv slipped. I mst hv been bored or drunk.”
Me: “What the…?”
God: “ws takin 2 dis angel, dude. Ran short of topics n things 2 say. Caught hold of dis thing. Hope u dnt
mind…”
Me: “bloody Satan! You really suck!”
God: “’Satan’? I thought you were talking to me, hehe.”
God: “LOLz”
Me: “fuck you!”
God: “hehe, when?”
Me: “aaaaaarrrrgh! Bugger off!”
God: “you seem pissed”
Me: “you think?”
God: “anyhoo, ma ‘real’ brother Satan is makin sure u stay depressed al d time.”
God: “things are workin wel 4 him, arnt they?”
Me: “im happy, damnit!”
God: “aah! Can u hear d sounds of Lie Detectors screaming? U shud b on ‘Sach Ka Saamna’”
Me: “shut the fuck up!”
God: “face d truth!”
Me: “ya, tagline. very funny, and how do YOU know the truth?”
God: “im God!”
Me: “yah! Right!”
God: “somthin is wrong wit u”
God: “I wl hlp u wit it”
God: “im comin ovr”
Me: “No, no, noooo!
*God is offline*
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Uncommon Sense
A long time back, Aristotle said “Man is a social animal”. Its quite evident Aristotle and I haven’t met.
I have this bad habit of thinking. It must be surprising of why I call it a bad habit. For me, it is. The more I think, the more I assume life. The more I assume life and what it has to give, the more I get to know how much little it has to give. So the more I keep on thinking, the more I get depressed. Negativity in abundance. I watch as my thoughts crumble upon this insane symmetry of life.
But it doesn’t suck me easily. I build four imaginary walls around me, keeping my mind assured of protection from the outside world.
Sadly, this has become my occupation.
Thinking, that’s all I do.
FIN!
I have this bad habit of thinking. It must be surprising of why I call it a bad habit. For me, it is. The more I think, the more I assume life. The more I assume life and what it has to give, the more I get to know how much little it has to give. So the more I keep on thinking, the more I get depressed. Negativity in abundance. I watch as my thoughts crumble upon this insane symmetry of life.
But it doesn’t suck me easily. I build four imaginary walls around me, keeping my mind assured of protection from the outside world.
Sadly, this has become my occupation.
Thinking, that’s all I do.
FIN!
Click! …and there was light!
I was lying in bed. Fantasizing.
What if I was a billionaire?
Where the hell would I start shoppin’. And all the things came like a rush!
I want ESP Flying V Guitar with ear deafening amps.
I want Digitech GNX4 guitar processor.
I want Lamborghini Gallardo and Porche Caynne in my garage.
I want 10 Mbps internet connection with unlimited download capacity.
I want Angelina Jolie to leave Brad Pitt and come running to me.
I want James Hetfield come at my home and give me guitar classes.
I want Linkin Park to perform every Saturday night in my backyard.
I want [CENSORED]
I want Canon EOS 5D (Mark II)
I want Canon EF-S 10mm-1600mm Image Stabilizing, Ultra Sonic Motors, Super Compact lens.
I want to shoot some unwanted crappy politicians with Magnum sniper rifle.
I want to ban Navjot Singh Sidhu from existence.
I want to buy Buckingham Palace.
I want to sell Buckingham Palace to some other sensible people.
I want to steal things.
I want to write a controversial book. A bestseller.
I want a replica of Millennium Falcon.
I want to make FRIENDS season 11 and so on…
I want Simpsons to be aired till the end of universe, (which is around 22 million years, I think)
I want Ahmedabad to become a good city, and have Rock shows every Sunday.
I want a band, badly.
I want my computer to be upgraded every Friday evenings and Monday mornings to the latest top-notch settings.
I want better house than White House, much better.
I want…
After thinking all this, the mind goes further away from its physical presence to calculate possibility of actually having all this.
A few minutes and it comes back with slap on the butt. As an answer.
So here I am… with everything I want.
Every single goddamn thing.
A question, then what?
And so, I open my eyes. *sigh*
“Right now I want 50 bucks so I can got to city and hangout with my friends”
…then?
“I want nothing!”
What if I was a billionaire?
Where the hell would I start shoppin’. And all the things came like a rush!
I want ESP Flying V Guitar with ear deafening amps.
I want Digitech GNX4 guitar processor.
I want Lamborghini Gallardo and Porche Caynne in my garage.
I want 10 Mbps internet connection with unlimited download capacity.
I want Angelina Jolie to leave Brad Pitt and come running to me.
I want James Hetfield come at my home and give me guitar classes.
I want Linkin Park to perform every Saturday night in my backyard.
I want [CENSORED]
I want Canon EOS 5D (Mark II)
I want Canon EF-S 10mm-1600mm Image Stabilizing, Ultra Sonic Motors, Super Compact lens.
I want to shoot some unwanted crappy politicians with Magnum sniper rifle.
I want to ban Navjot Singh Sidhu from existence.
I want to buy Buckingham Palace.
I want to sell Buckingham Palace to some other sensible people.
I want to steal things.
I want to write a controversial book. A bestseller.
I want a replica of Millennium Falcon.
I want to make FRIENDS season 11 and so on…
I want Simpsons to be aired till the end of universe, (which is around 22 million years, I think)
I want Ahmedabad to become a good city, and have Rock shows every Sunday.
I want a band, badly.
I want my computer to be upgraded every Friday evenings and Monday mornings to the latest top-notch settings.
I want better house than White House, much better.
I want…
After thinking all this, the mind goes further away from its physical presence to calculate possibility of actually having all this.
A few minutes and it comes back with slap on the butt. As an answer.
So here I am… with everything I want.
Every single goddamn thing.
A question, then what?
And so, I open my eyes. *sigh*
“Right now I want 50 bucks so I can got to city and hangout with my friends”
…then?
“I want nothing!”
Friday, September 11, 2009
Cryogenic Hibernation
“It was the middle-east war goin’ on and we had called for chopper backup. We stood there still in the tyrant dictator’s office when we heard some voices from the next room. We crept towards the room and made little sound as possible. I kicked open the door and shouted ‘freeze!’, but no one was there. They had already gone. But they had left a small girt. A time bomb, beeping continuously with its irritating sound. We stood there, helpless. The sound was getting faster and louder. I picked it up and banged it several times. It was getting even faster. Sweat poured off my forehead. And then… long… endless beep.”
I opened my eyes, and stared at the alarm clock menacingly, hoping that it would switch off on its own.
“Damn you!” I cursed and banged my hand on it.
It’s surprising how human biological clock cant make difference between 5 minutes and 5 hours while sleeping.
Why do people sleep? To regain their cosmic energy? To kill time? To feel like dying for 8 hours and leave everything behind? Or just a celebration of how hard mankind has worked since we evolved? Maybe we are not supposed to see that part of life? (As I was told by Tank).
Whatever it may be, for all I care is to let it be the way it is. And I remember three years ago, saying “Man! Sleeping is a waste, dude! I mean think of all the time I could save without sleep”
Boy, I was dumb back then.
When I slept, I didn’t only sleep, I hibernated. What I mean is that even if there was Brazilian Samba Dance troupe performing around me, I wouldn’t even notice. I slept like I missed out sleep for the last ten years. Back then an alarm clock didn’t change my life even tiny bit, and it had never served its purpose for me.
In my three academic years, sleep more than 7 hours was a hideous crime, and these rules will also be again implemented later on in my life.
Now it’s different, I wake from tiny bit of sound, and get ready robotically and go to class and work.
For now, during weekends I transform myself into a Garfield, except different species. I sleep, I eat, I sleep, I crap, I eat and I sleep.
Well, off I go into the sleep…
…ZZZZZZZZZZZ…
I opened my eyes, and stared at the alarm clock menacingly, hoping that it would switch off on its own.
“Damn you!” I cursed and banged my hand on it.
It’s surprising how human biological clock cant make difference between 5 minutes and 5 hours while sleeping.
Why do people sleep? To regain their cosmic energy? To kill time? To feel like dying for 8 hours and leave everything behind? Or just a celebration of how hard mankind has worked since we evolved? Maybe we are not supposed to see that part of life? (As I was told by Tank).
Whatever it may be, for all I care is to let it be the way it is. And I remember three years ago, saying “Man! Sleeping is a waste, dude! I mean think of all the time I could save without sleep”
Boy, I was dumb back then.
When I slept, I didn’t only sleep, I hibernated. What I mean is that even if there was Brazilian Samba Dance troupe performing around me, I wouldn’t even notice. I slept like I missed out sleep for the last ten years. Back then an alarm clock didn’t change my life even tiny bit, and it had never served its purpose for me.
In my three academic years, sleep more than 7 hours was a hideous crime, and these rules will also be again implemented later on in my life.
Now it’s different, I wake from tiny bit of sound, and get ready robotically and go to class and work.
For now, during weekends I transform myself into a Garfield, except different species. I sleep, I eat, I sleep, I crap, I eat and I sleep.
Well, off I go into the sleep…
…ZZZZZZZZZZZ…
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Return of the God
Somebody knocked at my room in the morning. I hate when somebody does that, waking me up.
“Huh?” who is it?” I shouted.
“It’s me, God” he said. That guy drives me mad. He comes anytime unwarned. Its like He is everywhere!
I opened the door.
“Can you see me?” he said.
“Maybe if you stop that bright light you are emitting from your back!” I muttered. He was in Jesus outfit today.
“Oh, sorry. I'm having trouble adjusting brightness since I switched to environmental friendly CFLs”
“Huh? “ I was still sleepy “you use CFLs?”
He rushed in, without asking. I hate it. “Of course, bulbs are soo ‘last year’!”
He was frighteningly enthusiastic today.
“No, I mean, to ‘create’ light. I thought you CREATED Light.” I said as I came to my senses.
“Dude, don’t you know the law of energy? I can’t CREATE light out of nothing.” He said “they don’t teach you, like anything? Be realistic, man!”
“Hmm” I said, it’s funny how God told me to be REALISTIC! “So what about the whole ‘Let There Be Light!’ thing?
“Oh, that?” he said while he started ‘NFS: Most Wanted’ in my PC. “That is just a tagline my marketing and PR guys came up with. Helps keep the cool image.”
“Oh, ok. So what brings you here? At this time?” I said in most unconcerned voice I could.
“What’s that supposed to mean? Can’t a guy stop by to say hello?
“They only come to me when they need something. Now tell me what you want.”
“Oh that’s soo stereotypical. I expected you of all people to be a little open-minded.” God said pausing NFS: Most Wanted.
“Well, technically, I’m not ‘one-of-the-people, he he” I said proudly.
“Hmm, funny. You are very funny. I like your sense of humor.” He said. Now I was sure he needed something.
“Yeah, I know they say I have funny sense of humor. It seems redundant if you ask me. I mean, if its sense of “humor”, then it’s gotta be “funny”, right?” I said while brushing my teeth. I did those air quotes too…
“Hey that was cool. The way you flickered the Quote-Unquote thingy”
“Aw, you noticed?” I had to say, “Thanks! So how things are in Heaven?”
“In having some trouble in the FORCE”
“As in? FORCE, like in Star Wars?”
“No, no. Federation of Roman Catholic Engineers”
“Oh, what happened?” frankly, I didn’t want to know.
“I guess you could say that the FORCE is ‘Imbalanced’, ha ha ha ha ha!”
“Hmm, funny.” Trust me, it wasn’t funny. “You are thinking something, anything serious?” I said.
God looked at me and then straight out of the window, he looked and said “well, it’s just that… I don’t know if I will see you again… So I was wondering if you could tell me the meaning of life… why we are here… where things are going… what is the purpose of life…” he was sounding like old-lady-about-to-die.
“Get the hell outa here, man!” I shouted from the wash basin. “Why do you always have to ask me these questions in the morning? I can’t enjoy my day because of these questions!”
“Don’t be mad, please?” he said.
“Screw you, man! Sometimes I hope you don’t exist.” Boy, I was mad.
“Ow, don’t say that. You don’t mean that”
“Hmm, I don’t. Sorry. Please leave me alone for now. I need to use toilet and u don’t trust you alone with my PC & free Internet.”
“Huh?” who is it?” I shouted.
“It’s me, God” he said. That guy drives me mad. He comes anytime unwarned. Its like He is everywhere!
I opened the door.
“Can you see me?” he said.
“Maybe if you stop that bright light you are emitting from your back!” I muttered. He was in Jesus outfit today.
“Oh, sorry. I'm having trouble adjusting brightness since I switched to environmental friendly CFLs”
“Huh? “ I was still sleepy “you use CFLs?”
He rushed in, without asking. I hate it. “Of course, bulbs are soo ‘last year’!”
He was frighteningly enthusiastic today.
“No, I mean, to ‘create’ light. I thought you CREATED Light.” I said as I came to my senses.
“Dude, don’t you know the law of energy? I can’t CREATE light out of nothing.” He said “they don’t teach you, like anything? Be realistic, man!”
“Hmm” I said, it’s funny how God told me to be REALISTIC! “So what about the whole ‘Let There Be Light!’ thing?
“Oh, that?” he said while he started ‘NFS: Most Wanted’ in my PC. “That is just a tagline my marketing and PR guys came up with. Helps keep the cool image.”
“Oh, ok. So what brings you here? At this time?” I said in most unconcerned voice I could.
“What’s that supposed to mean? Can’t a guy stop by to say hello?
“They only come to me when they need something. Now tell me what you want.”
“Oh that’s soo stereotypical. I expected you of all people to be a little open-minded.” God said pausing NFS: Most Wanted.
“Well, technically, I’m not ‘one-of-the-people, he he” I said proudly.
“Hmm, funny. You are very funny. I like your sense of humor.” He said. Now I was sure he needed something.
“Yeah, I know they say I have funny sense of humor. It seems redundant if you ask me. I mean, if its sense of “humor”, then it’s gotta be “funny”, right?” I said while brushing my teeth. I did those air quotes too…
“Hey that was cool. The way you flickered the Quote-Unquote thingy”
“Aw, you noticed?” I had to say, “Thanks! So how things are in Heaven?”
“In having some trouble in the FORCE”
“As in? FORCE, like in Star Wars?”
“No, no. Federation of Roman Catholic Engineers”
“Oh, what happened?” frankly, I didn’t want to know.
“I guess you could say that the FORCE is ‘Imbalanced’, ha ha ha ha ha!”
“Hmm, funny.” Trust me, it wasn’t funny. “You are thinking something, anything serious?” I said.
God looked at me and then straight out of the window, he looked and said “well, it’s just that… I don’t know if I will see you again… So I was wondering if you could tell me the meaning of life… why we are here… where things are going… what is the purpose of life…” he was sounding like old-lady-about-to-die.
“Get the hell outa here, man!” I shouted from the wash basin. “Why do you always have to ask me these questions in the morning? I can’t enjoy my day because of these questions!”
“Don’t be mad, please?” he said.
“Screw you, man! Sometimes I hope you don’t exist.” Boy, I was mad.
“Ow, don’t say that. You don’t mean that”
“Hmm, I don’t. Sorry. Please leave me alone for now. I need to use toilet and u don’t trust you alone with my PC & free Internet.”
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Sick Fun
It’s a swine-flu age. Another victim dead of it.
But if you and your spouse both fall sick, take the day off. Just because you smell like a dog , your body is aching, you have plenty of cough, you have pounding headache and you have high fever, that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Here are some I could think.
1. Imitate Om Puri, Amrish Puri, Amitabh Bachchan, Robert De Niro and for fun, Sachin Tendulkar. You have a soar-throat and your voice is husky. Use it.
2. Play thermometer race. Stick digital thermometer in your mouth and see whose beeps first.
3. Practice for Olympic Synchronized Coughing.
4. Have a cup of Neem Joice and talk about Bengali Sweets.
5. Forget Staring Contest. Try “who-can-get-longest-without-wiping-nose” contest.
6. Try drinking game. Watch MTV Roadies and take a cough syrup every time a word is beeped out.
7. If your noses are blocked, see how long you can kiss before you gasp for air. Can you reach the 1 minute magic mark?
8. Hide a capsule in your layers of clothing and let him/her find.
9. One word. 69! (Give each other foot massages.)
10. To declare your undying love for each other, exchange nasal sprays.
11. Watch “Kasautii, Zindagi Key”. Its for sick people anyway. And sob.
…will keep you posted.
But if you and your spouse both fall sick, take the day off. Just because you smell like a dog , your body is aching, you have plenty of cough, you have pounding headache and you have high fever, that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Here are some I could think.
1. Imitate Om Puri, Amrish Puri, Amitabh Bachchan, Robert De Niro and for fun, Sachin Tendulkar. You have a soar-throat and your voice is husky. Use it.
2. Play thermometer race. Stick digital thermometer in your mouth and see whose beeps first.
3. Practice for Olympic Synchronized Coughing.
4. Have a cup of Neem Joice and talk about Bengali Sweets.
5. Forget Staring Contest. Try “who-can-get-longest-without-wiping-nose” contest.
6. Try drinking game. Watch MTV Roadies and take a cough syrup every time a word is beeped out.
7. If your noses are blocked, see how long you can kiss before you gasp for air. Can you reach the 1 minute magic mark?
8. Hide a capsule in your layers of clothing and let him/her find.
9. One word. 69! (Give each other foot massages.)
10. To declare your undying love for each other, exchange nasal sprays.
11. Watch “Kasautii, Zindagi Key”. Its for sick people anyway. And sob.
…will keep you posted.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Nightmare vs Dream
I don’t know what is wrong with me. I was sleeping when this nightmare just flashed. (boy, this is gonna be long.) Its seriously stuck onto my brain. I'm not sure if I will be able to sleep today!
Dream sequence initiated, read on!
“I was sitting on the terrace in the evening. Semi-dark, sun has set. The usual sitting area. Just then, somebody came up on the terrace, walked in front of me towards the edge and gave a sideways glance and smiled at me. Then he jumped and was no more on the edge.
He was me”
But it helps having a careless brain. I mean, dreams doesn’t mean anything. Or does it?
I should be disturbed and shaken. Instead, I am looking for the reasons behind this dream.
I asked some of my friends about it.
Sunny said that it was horrible. Said that you have a deep sadness stuck in your heart somewhere. It got expressed.
Rutu said it was an unfinished story. Something more also happened after that jump…
Tank said it was a happy dream (WTF?). It was “positive”, he said. He said “you have been accepting the new change in your life, so the smile is a positive thing. Jumping from somewhere shows that you are taking a leap while you are smiling.”
That was weirdly satisfying, I told him.
I think it’s all about how you see the situation and make sense out of it.
Shit happens.
Dream sequence initiated, read on!
“I was sitting on the terrace in the evening. Semi-dark, sun has set. The usual sitting area. Just then, somebody came up on the terrace, walked in front of me towards the edge and gave a sideways glance and smiled at me. Then he jumped and was no more on the edge.
He was me”
But it helps having a careless brain. I mean, dreams doesn’t mean anything. Or does it?
I should be disturbed and shaken. Instead, I am looking for the reasons behind this dream.
I asked some of my friends about it.
Sunny said that it was horrible. Said that you have a deep sadness stuck in your heart somewhere. It got expressed.
Rutu said it was an unfinished story. Something more also happened after that jump…
Tank said it was a happy dream (WTF?). It was “positive”, he said. He said “you have been accepting the new change in your life, so the smile is a positive thing. Jumping from somewhere shows that you are taking a leap while you are smiling.”
That was weirdly satisfying, I told him.
I think it’s all about how you see the situation and make sense out of it.
Shit happens.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
A Blind Kamikaze
Every time I wake up, I feel I have entered into a new world. You know the first 30 seconds after opening your eyes in the morning wishing the pillow to be touching your face for the next few hours. Unfortunately, we don’t control our lives fully.
I have to say to myself “Today its gonna be different, I will be new person”. Only sub-consciously I realize that I’m in the same depth of water as I was yesterday, and the day before, and the day before. The answer lies inside all of us. Yet, im too arrogant to accept it.
It seems there are many ways to cut life short. But I’m not here to give tips on “99 Ways to Die”. I just need a pinch of sanity to keep my inside life runnin’ on its feet.
I’m bracin’ myself for whatever comes next. I live for now, not for the past or the future. Anyway, it’s too easy to write these stuff - so damn hard to implement it.
Well, that’s life, right?
I have to say to myself “Today its gonna be different, I will be new person”. Only sub-consciously I realize that I’m in the same depth of water as I was yesterday, and the day before, and the day before. The answer lies inside all of us. Yet, im too arrogant to accept it.
It seems there are many ways to cut life short. But I’m not here to give tips on “99 Ways to Die”. I just need a pinch of sanity to keep my inside life runnin’ on its feet.
I’m bracin’ myself for whatever comes next. I live for now, not for the past or the future. Anyway, it’s too easy to write these stuff - so damn hard to implement it.
Well, that’s life, right?
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Holy Crap!
Somebody had said:
“Standing on the edge of sanity, some things makes sense pretty much, but unless you have fluctuating mind that runs parallel with your own action, there is no edge of reason.”
Maybe Homer said it, or Charlie Chaplin. Whatever.
I hope my crap writing skills improve. Here is the test for the readers to read the following. If you understand, please explain me. Because I don’t.
I have always spoken crap. My own “Verbal Throw Up”, if u wanna call it.
Tonmoy dragged me into writing. He is a natural writer. Human is a jealous animal. So I want to write too. Unlike him, I don’t mind writing utter crap.
We went to buy this red diary together. So this is like a stab-in-the-back for Tonmoy. I hope this is for the best.
“Standing on the edge of sanity, some things makes sense pretty much, but unless you have fluctuating mind that runs parallel with your own action, there is no edge of reason.”
Maybe Homer said it, or Charlie Chaplin. Whatever.
I hope my crap writing skills improve. Here is the test for the readers to read the following. If you understand, please explain me. Because I don’t.
I have always spoken crap. My own “Verbal Throw Up”, if u wanna call it.
Tonmoy dragged me into writing. He is a natural writer. Human is a jealous animal. So I want to write too. Unlike him, I don’t mind writing utter crap.
We went to buy this red diary together. So this is like a stab-in-the-back for Tonmoy. I hope this is for the best.
I am Awake
I started writing blog after quite a long time.
In past few years, I have managed to write quite nicely. But maybe from last two years, I’ve grown lazy. And frankly, I was enjoying it.
I remember the time when I published my own magazine; Fulzar. I did that for 5 years, every month, 16 pages. Hell! I could write. But my brain language was Gujarati at that time. Then what, it changed to this one.
This transition was hard. I was busy watching English movies and listening to Linkin Park and other the whole time.
So guys, here I am. Again.
Read on the diary I call,
“Diary of a Schizophrenic!”
In past few years, I have managed to write quite nicely. But maybe from last two years, I’ve grown lazy. And frankly, I was enjoying it.
I remember the time when I published my own magazine; Fulzar. I did that for 5 years, every month, 16 pages. Hell! I could write. But my brain language was Gujarati at that time. Then what, it changed to this one.
This transition was hard. I was busy watching English movies and listening to Linkin Park and other the whole time.
So guys, here I am. Again.
Read on the diary I call,
“Diary of a Schizophrenic!”
Friday, September 4, 2009
God is Pissed!
So, I don’t believe God. He is unbelievable. But it’s also true that I don’t believe IN God. But, he comes to visit me sometimes.
So one day, God it watching TV. My TV. Today he was dressed like Krishna.
…and he is flipping through all the channels without settling on anything. Just like my dad.
“Hey!” I told him, “could you just pick one and stick with it? It’s making me crazy!”
He says, “Just one?”
“Yeah”, I said “just one”
“That’s all this thing will do?”
“Yeah, that’s right!” I confirmed.
“Shit.” he mutters “Do you ever stick with ‘just one’? Forget channel, pick anything, what the hell are you supposed to do with ‘Just One’, huh?”
“You spend time with it.” I explained. “See how plot unfolds, or how the game goes, who wins or whatever. Each show has a ‘beginning’ and an ‘end’. Is that so bad?”
God stares at TV, after a few moments, he turns at me.
“Ever listened to people’s fucking prayers?” he asked me.
“I heard a few” I replied.
“No, you haven’t. No, you haven’t. You haven’t heard anything. Not like what I have heard. It’s not like watching just one channel. And your ‘beginning and endings’ just don’t seem to exist. Wanna hear some?” oh boy, God was angry.
“Naah”, I admitted.
But the rattles anyway:
“’Dear God, please make me pass’,
‘Dear God, please buy me a Ferrari,
‘Dear God, please help me dive safely even when I’m drunk’,
‘Dear God, please get me this job’,
Dear God, please don’t let my girlfriend get pregnant’,
Dear God, please kill my enemies’…!
What would you do with all these people?”
God asked me.
“I’d tell them all to grow up” I suggest, “or to go fuck themselves”
“Good luck” says god “I just take a message and leave it somewhere. I guess you are right. It’s good to watch just one channel on TV. Let’s watch ‘Khichdi’!”
He gets up and goes to my fridge, where he pushes the cans and bottles around.
“What’s this shit you are drinking?” he yells “’Thums Up’? What the hell is that?”
“Dear God,” I reply “please make this shit taste good!”
So one day, God it watching TV. My TV. Today he was dressed like Krishna.
…and he is flipping through all the channels without settling on anything. Just like my dad.
“Hey!” I told him, “could you just pick one and stick with it? It’s making me crazy!”
He says, “Just one?”
“Yeah”, I said “just one”
“That’s all this thing will do?”
“Yeah, that’s right!” I confirmed.
“Shit.” he mutters “Do you ever stick with ‘just one’? Forget channel, pick anything, what the hell are you supposed to do with ‘Just One’, huh?”
“You spend time with it.” I explained. “See how plot unfolds, or how the game goes, who wins or whatever. Each show has a ‘beginning’ and an ‘end’. Is that so bad?”
God stares at TV, after a few moments, he turns at me.
“Ever listened to people’s fucking prayers?” he asked me.
“I heard a few” I replied.
“No, you haven’t. No, you haven’t. You haven’t heard anything. Not like what I have heard. It’s not like watching just one channel. And your ‘beginning and endings’ just don’t seem to exist. Wanna hear some?” oh boy, God was angry.
“Naah”, I admitted.
But the rattles anyway:
“’Dear God, please make me pass’,
‘Dear God, please buy me a Ferrari,
‘Dear God, please help me dive safely even when I’m drunk’,
‘Dear God, please get me this job’,
Dear God, please don’t let my girlfriend get pregnant’,
Dear God, please kill my enemies’…!
What would you do with all these people?”
God asked me.
“I’d tell them all to grow up” I suggest, “or to go fuck themselves”
“Good luck” says god “I just take a message and leave it somewhere. I guess you are right. It’s good to watch just one channel on TV. Let’s watch ‘Khichdi’!”
He gets up and goes to my fridge, where he pushes the cans and bottles around.
“What’s this shit you are drinking?” he yells “’Thums Up’? What the hell is that?”
“Dear God,” I reply “please make this shit taste good!”
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