God is Pissed!

So, I don’t believe God. He is unbelievable. But it’s also true that I don’t believe IN God. But, he comes to visit me sometimes.

So one day, God it watching TV. My TV. Today he was dressed like Krishna.

…and he is flipping through all the channels without settling on anything. Just like my dad.

“Hey!” I told him, “could you just pick one and stick with it? It’s making me crazy!”

He says, “Just one?”

“Yeah”, I said “just one”

“That’s all this thing will do?”

“Yeah, that’s right!” I confirmed.

“Shit.” he mutters “Do you ever stick with ‘just one’? Forget channel, pick anything, what the hell are you supposed to do with ‘Just One’, huh?”

“You spend time with it.” I explained. “See how plot unfolds, or how the game goes, who wins or whatever. Each show has a ‘beginning’ and an ‘end’. Is that so bad?”

God stares at TV, after a few moments, he turns at me.

“Ever listened to people’s fucking prayers?” he asked me.

“I heard a few” I replied.

“No, you haven’t. No, you haven’t. You haven’t heard anything. Not like what I have heard. It’s not like watching just one channel. And your ‘beginning and endings’ just don’t seem to exist. Wanna hear some?” oh boy, God was angry.

“Naah”, I admitted.

But the rattles anyway:
“’Dear God, please make me pass’,
‘Dear God, please buy me a Ferrari,
‘Dear God, please help me dive safely even when I’m drunk’,
‘Dear God, please get me this job’,
Dear God, please don’t let my girlfriend get pregnant’,
Dear God, please kill my enemies’…!
What would you do with all these people?”
God asked me.

“I’d tell them all to grow up” I suggest, “or to go fuck themselves”

“Good luck” says god “I just take a message and leave it somewhere. I guess you are right. It’s good to watch just one channel on TV. Let’s watch ‘Khichdi’!”

He gets up and goes to my fridge, where he pushes the cans and bottles around.

“What’s this shit you are drinking?” he yells “’Thums Up’? What the hell is that?”

“Dear God,” I reply “please make this shit taste good!”